Ranking the Rides of the Efteling

In September 2022, I finally had the chance to visit the Efteling in the Netherlands over the course of two full days and two half days, so just for fun, here’s a ranking of all the rides I experienced, including at least one “spicy take…”

This ranking is obviously just my opinion, and what resonates with me may not with another visitor; whether you love or loathe Carnaval Festival is all part of the beautiful tapestry of life!

Note:

I will not be ranking the following rides, because I didn’t ride them, either because they were closed, or because I simply chose not to:

· Fata Morgana (closed for annual maintenance)

· Sirocco (teacups and I no longer get on in my old age…)

· Stoomtrein

· Stoomcarrousel

· Kinderspoor

· De Oude Tufferbaan

· Any of the traditional kiddie rides in Anton Pieck Plein.

One day, Fata Morgana...

15. Piraña

I will admit, my only ride on Piraña did not set me up to love this attraction. Stuck chaperoning two Dutch boys, I experienced the entire ride in absolute silence. River rapids rides work best with friends since the fun is in seeing your companions have a terrible time getting soaked. This River Rapids is perfectly serviceable (and better than any UK River Rapids offerings), but I’ll only be going on it again if I’m not travelling alone.

14. Max and Moritz

Ranking a rollercoaster so low is perhaps the first of my spicy takes. I appreciate that this rollercoaster aims to be a ‘my first coaster’ so it’s not designed for me, but I’ve had a lot more fun on a bunch of other kiddie coasters. A soundtrack is present but uninspiring, the two tracks barely interact for a duelling coaster so there’s no fun to add to its non-existent thrills, and its biggest crime of all is being centred around two very unappealing characters. I intensely dislike Max and Moritz; as a lifelong goody-two-shoes, pranksters are always going to grind my gears. On top of that, farts just aren’t funny to me, and farts are ninety percent of this ride’s personality unfortunately. Rest in peace, Bob.

13. Monorail

This slug-powered monorail located above the Volk Van Laaf village is not a bad ride; it just didn’t do much for me. It’s a bit clunky, has no major set pieces, and your enjoyment of it will largely hinge on how much you like the slightly grotesque Laaf people. It is a chance to sit for a few minutes however, which I always appreciate.

12. Villa Volta

Blame the pre-shows for this low ranking. This Vekoma Madhouse isn’t the worst of the three I’ve done (that dubious honour goes to Feng Ju Palace at Phantasialand), but as someone whose Dutch only stretches as far as a month or so of Duolingo, two long narration-heavy Dutch pre-shows felt like torture. There is a small amount of English text in the queue to clue you in to the story, but despite the two pre-shows only totalling around seven and a half minutes, time seemed to stretch to an eternity. On the plus side, this Madhouse feels like it has a stronger swing than the other two I’ve experienced, and the soundtrack is rousing – but obviously no competition for Haunted House Monster Party’s at Legoland Windsor.

11. Pagode

This spinning observation deck provides excellent views of the park, and provides visual interest to the Efteling skyline, but Pagode is unable to gain a higher ranking because it is simply a spinning observation deck.

Pagode, soaring above the tree-line, back right.

10. Gondoletta

This sedate tracked boat ride had the longest queue I experienced throughout my whole visit, coming in at roughly forty-five minutes, and I tend to find my appreciation for rides diminishes the longer I have to wait for them, so in another timeline, perhaps Gondoletta would have had a slightly higher ranking! The wait was primarily long because the ride hosts were doing the nice thing of only loading one group (in my case, just me) per boat, and I do appreciate their attempts to make this gentle meander amongst the Efteling’s water fowl a more personal experience. Word of advice: don’t board these boats expecting any story-telling; you’re just in for a pleasant twenty-minute cruise, so grab a snack beforehand and make a picnic of it!

9. Symbolica

This is probably what many would consider the worst of my opinions. I went to the Efteling desperately wanting to love Symbolica; a great deal of effort (and money) went into this much-praised ride’s creation and I wanted to feel that the park’s effort had paid off. Sadly, this ride just seems a little cold and soulless. It’s hard to pinpoint the problem exactly, as some of the details are lovely, but I think there is something almost too polished about it; the palace the ride is set in just doesn’t feel lived in. In contrast, the other main dark ride in the park, Droomvlucht, is a little rough around the edges, but that somehow contributes to the believability of its otherwise fantastical worlds.

With three possible routes to choose from and lots of little details to spot, Symbolica is at least re-rideable. For spectacle, I would say that the red Treasure Tour (Schattentour) is your best bet if you only have time for one ride.

Symbolica's 'Palace of Fantasy' in the background.

8. Python

Not especially thrilling, not especially pretty to look at, but also not even the slightest bit of a headbanger: Python is an acceptable rollercoaster. I am a huge fan of the Efteling’s commitment to its heritage, so I appreciate the intention behind the recent re-tracking of the looping coaster that revived the park’s fortunes back in the eighties and brought many new lifelong fans to its gates. However, like its British cousin Corkscrew at Alton Towers before it was scrapped in 2008, Python simply can’t hold a candle to most modern rollercoasters. One could argue that it only really ‘belongs’ in the Efteling because it been there so long it’s become part of the furniture. The ride is fairly fun though and very re-rideable because of its smoothness and lack of intensity, so it’s good for padding out your day.

7. Halve Maen

It’s a massive swinging ship – what’s not to love? Get the back row of this (very large) baby and you’ll have a whale of a time! I often feel like swinging pirate ships are an under-appreciated flat ride due to their ubiquity: they can provide a good dose of thrill and it’s always fun to watch the reactions of riders on the other end of the ship as the swing height reaches its peak. Being the largest swinging ship in the world supposedly, Halve Maen is an excellent example of this ride type. Reach the top of the swings on the back row, and you even get the mildest sense of jeopardy as the ends of the boat wobble side to side!

6. Vogel Rok

I was actually very lucky to have had the opportunity to ride the Big Bird Coaster, as it was due to be down for routine maintenance throughout my four-day visit, but thankfully, Max & Moritz required some emergency TLC until my last visit day, so Vogel Rok stayed open as the family-friendly coaster option. This is a fairly bog-standard coaster, but it’s a bog-standard coaster with heart. There’s just something so endearing about the oversized bird motif. I know context can be found in the 1001 Arabian Nights story, but it’s a whole lot funnier to think that this ride is just a tribute to really big birds. On top of that, the soundtrack is filled with classic Efteling wonder, and its use in onboard audio I think helped this coaster peck its way into my hard-to-impress heart with the second ride.

5. Carnaval Festival

A controversial choice. Carnaval Festival is in many ways a marmite ride, especially with its absolute ear-worm of a soundtrack, but I do find myself somewhat on the fence about it. On the one hand, I masochistically love how irritating the soundtrack is, but on the other, I feel uncomfortable with some of the depictions of certain countries in this It’s A Small World-esque journey around the globe. In recent years, the ride has been adjusted to tone down some of the more harmful racial stereotypes, but there are still easy-to-fix cultural inaccuracies. For example, Japanese people don’t typically do a ‘prayer hands’ bow and yet this is one of the key components of the Japan section of the ride and one that many guests mimic as they reach it. However much this ride is loathed for its music and ‘bold’ aesthetic, I still feel that the concept is great (in a horrifying kind of way); this ride just needs a few more adjustments to secure its place in a twenty-first century Efteling.

4. De Vliegende Hollander

With its breathtakingly beautiful ride station and instantly loveable soundtrack, De Vliegende Hollander is one of the most aesthetically cohesive and pleasing ride experiences out there, and it’s not a bad ride in itself to boot. The dark ride portion is brilliantly atmospheric, whilst the outdoor coaster section offers some fun swoops before a not-overly wet splashdown. The main thing holding this ride back from a higher ranking is my disdain for getting wet. I’m sure I minded less as a kid and a teen, but as a full-grown adult, I’m not about that Soggy Sock life. Hover your feet above the boat floor and you can avoid some wetness, but you will at the very least get a wet back and backside, and I personally have to be in the right frame of mind to want my day to be burdened with that nonsense.

3. Joris en de Draak

Joris en de Draak is just such a fun coaster. For comparison, whilst also a GCI wooden rollercoaster like Wicker Man at Alton Towers, I would say Joris en de Draak has the more thrilling ride experience, elevated by the racing aspect of the coaster - although Wicker Man certainly has the more impressive theming. I wouldn’t say there’s much between the two sides of Water and Fire; I perhaps found one section of Water’s track a little headache-inducing but nothing that a swig of water and a temporary switch to a smoother ride couldn’t fix, and with Joris en de Draak’s Winter 2022 re-tracking, perhaps that slight grumble will be soon be a thing of the past.

Joris en de Draak, sitting towards the back.

2. Droomvlucht

I really didn’t expect to enjoy Droomvlucht. I’d seen some ride footage and stills before visiting and decided that the fairies, elves, and trolls were all distinctly off-putting (which I still stand by), and thought that I wouldn’t be able to see past that. Thankfully, the almost intangible magic of the ride more than makes up for the Cabbage Patch Kid faces of the animatronics. Each scene has this incredible depth of field to it, and in an age of overuse of screens, it’s refreshing to still see a ride that relies entirely on physical effects. There’s nothing complicated here – not even so much as a Pepper’s Ghost – but that doesn’t matter because the worlds that are weaved in the ride’s sprawling set pieces create so much room for audiences to craft their own stories, by leaving just enough to the imagination. This is perhaps where Symbolica falls short in my opinion: Symbolica wants to show you its setting, the Palace of Fantasy, exactly as it is – there is ironically no room for your own fantasy – whereas Droomvlucht paints with a broader stroke and lets the guests imagine for themselves what sort of world exists within the walls of those castles, floating ethereally in the starry boundless night.

1. Baron 1898

Baron 1898 skirts somewhere around the edges of my personal top ten rollercoasters I’ve ridden, and it mostly achieves that due to its gorgeous design and soundtrack. I am an absolute sucker for a good soundtrack, and one of the things I was most looking forward to when visiting the Efteling was hearing this ride’s music in the flesh. The commitment to detail on this ride, even down to the exquisite tiling in the first pre-show room, is commendable too, and this is a ride where I truly get the sense that the Efteling takes pride in what it produces. The ride is even visually impactful from afar, and one of those special rides like Talocan at Phantasialand that pulls in non-riding guests to experience its theatre.

Having said that, I’m not sure if it’s my British nostalgia goggles but I still feel that Oblivion at Alton Towers may be a better dive coaster, despite not featuring any of the additional post-drop elements Baron 1898 has. Nevertheless, Baron 1898 gives it a run for its money. The front row is treated to lovely views across the park before the descent into the mine, whilst the back row debatably has a marginally more forceful drop. I recommend this ride as an invigorating start to your day if staying at one of the onsite hotels, as on a quieter day you’ll be able to get at least three refreshing misty dives in before the crowds start to form!

Final Thoughts

I thoroughly enjoyed my time at the Efteling, but I wouldn’t say that it’s a park where the ride hardware itself plays the largest role in creating that enjoyment. None of the rides are especially tall, fast, or intense – including Baron 1898 – and on the whole, it feels like the rides play second fiddle to both their own themes, and the general atmosphere of the park. I wouldn’t go to Efteling necessarily expecting to come away with a new favourite ride of all time, but it is delightful as a complete package, and well worth making a trip to the Netherlands for!